Valentine’s Day for Singles – Becoming the Lover You’re Looking For

This Valentine’s Day, you may not have a partner to celebrate with. In the search for love, it’s easy to get caught up in the quest for the perfect partner, someone who meets all our criteria and fulfills our desires. But what if, instead of focusing solely on finding that ideal person, we turned our attention inward and became the lover we’re looking for ourselves? What if we cultivated the qualities and behaviors we seek in a partner within ourselves first? This idea may seem daunting or even counterintuitive at first, but by embarking on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth, we can become the kind of lover we long for and create more fulfilling relationships in the process.

1. **Know Yourself**: The foundation of being the lover you’re looking for is self-awareness. Take the time to explore your values, beliefs, strengths, and weaknesses. What are your passions and interests? What are your non-negotiables in a relationship? Understanding yourself better not only means you will enjoy your life more, it will also help you articulate what you’re looking for in a partner and show up authentically in all your relationships.
3. **Practice Self-Love**: Before you can truly love another person, you must first love yourself. Treat yourself with kindness, compassion, and respect. Practice self-care and prioritize your well-being. Cultivate a positive self-image and embrace your imperfections. Remember that you are worthy of love just as you are.

3. **Communicate Openly and Honestly**: Effective communication is key to any healthy relationship. Learn to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs openly and honestly, while also being receptive to your partner’s perspective. Avoid bottling up emotions or resorting to passive-aggressive behavior. Keep a journal where you can share your innermost thoughts with yourself.

4. **Show Empathy and Understanding**: Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Cultivate empathy in your relationship with yourself by validating your experiences and refraining from judgment. When negative self-talk comes up, just witness it without buying into it as real.

5. **Be Supportive and Encouraging**: A supportive partner is someone who stands by you through both the triumphs and challenges of life. Do you offer encouragement, motivation, and reassurance to yourself as you pursue your goals and dreams? Celebrate your successes and do things that provide comfort during times of difficulty. Have your own back in all circumstances.

6. **Practice Generosity and Kindness**: How often do you give to yourself, such as cooking a meal, or buying yourself flowers? Cultivate a spirit of generosity in your interactions with yourself, and you will feel more loved and lovable.

7. **Value Your Independence and Autonomy**: Enjoy your own interests, hobbies, and friendships. When you do meet a partner, you will arrive as a whole and interesting person. This February 14th, why not have a GALentine’s or PALentine’s dinner with friends?

8. **Be the Love**: Love doesn’t just come from the person you mingle with naked. Look around and recognize that many other people may be demonstrating their love for you like friends and family members. And if you want to receive something, be the one to give it. How can you demonstrate more love for yourself, and others today?

In conclusion, becoming the lover you’re looking for is not about finding perfection in another person but rather about embodying the qualities and behaviors that you value in yourself. By cultivating self-awareness, practicing self-love, and nurturing empathy and understanding, you can create deeper connections and more fulfilling relationships. Remember that love is not something you find; it’s something you cultivate within yourself and share with others.

Rebekah Beneteau is a Sex and Relationship Coach and Energy Healer located in Puerto Vallarta, who has helped thousands of people have a better connection to their body, more confidence, and more fulfilling romantic lives. She works with individuals and couples. If you struggle with expressing yourself sexually or feeling worthy of love, she has coaching packages for any budget. This month, take advantage of her Buy-One-Get-One-Free special on all sessions.